


it's satire

by astrovagant



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: BPD Amethyst, Borderline Personality Disorder, Gen, Identity Disturbances, spoilers for reformed- read with care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-26 14:45:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3854608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrovagant/pseuds/astrovagant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amethyst loves shapeshifting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's satire

Amethyst loves shapeshifting.

Of course, she loves a lot of other things too: she loves eating, she loves the different feelings in her mouth intermingled with the different tastes. She loves collecting things, she loves counting all of the different things that she’s found and comparing them and climbing her piles that remind her of her old climbing rock from when she was a new gem. She loves pulling pranks and annoying Pearl and not thinking.

But she loves shapeshifting most of all. She loves the feelings that it brings -- the way that her muscles and bones bend in just the way that she wants them to, the way that her body is capable of being anything and everything. It’s become natural for her. She can change at a moment’s notice, she can be big and strong and grow and grow and she can become small and nearly insignificant. She can be an owl that hoots and sounds a bit too human or a puma with a wrestling costume on - anything goes.

Most of all, she can be different. She can be anything, she can be anyone. She can forget what she is and where she’s from and lose herself in the moment.

Those moments of distraction are what make her feel complete. Sometimes she wishes that they could stay forever. Sometimes she wishes that she could always be different and changing - who she is is too much for her, sometimes. She is too loud, she is too reckless, she is a burden. Everything she does is a hindrance. She was created to be bad and for badness and no one ever lets her forget it.

Especially Pearl.

It’s funny, really, how different they are. It’s funny how Pearl is everything she isn’t. But at least she doesn’t let her emotions swallow her. Not like Pearl does. She’s not nearly so weak.

Amethyst’s emotions are a hurricane. They don’t cleanse like the puddles in her room. They only destroy.

Not feeling is better.

When Pearl lectures her it stings. She already knows that she’s a mistake. She’s the one who doesn’t think before she acts. She’s the one who ruins everything. Garnet never says anything in her defense.

Sometimes, she wonders if they resent her for that day when Greg first came into their lives with his long hair and his bad music and his guitar and stole Rose away from them bit by bit. The day where everything changed, where everything continued changing until the life that they’d built was unrecognizable.

It wasn’t always like this. Before Steven, it was okay. It was okay for her to be imperfect because Rose was there and Rose could smooth anything out.

Amethyst used to let herself feel back then. Now she just tries to forget. She smiles a big and brittle smile and laughs a bit too loudly and pretends that her wrongness doesn’t bother her even though it does because she can always pretend to be someone or something else anyway.

Amethyst loves shapeshifting.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So anyway, I already thought that Amethyst had BPD but then I watched Reformed and now it's canon. Fight me.


End file.
